My younger Brother Hiram is a singer/songwriter who hapens to be a TCK. His music speaks the the longing and journey to find "Home" in all of us. Listen to his new song and music video called "Hold Me" I hope it speaks to you as much as it speaks to me!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Saturday, July 31, 2010
A Step through Time
Is been almost year since I posted here. Life has a way of taking us down unexpected paths. As A TCK/crosscultural kids and world citizens I'm sure you can relate.
Last week I had an amazing time reconnecting with other TCKs, It was like stepping back in time, back to my childhood days growing up as an expat kid at an international school in West Africa. some of us gathered after years apart to remember when our school was us.
I wrote some about our renion, here are my thoughts.....
"WOW! What a reunion it was! It was the BEST long weekend I've had in quite a few years. and all my worries were for naught.
What made it soo good you might ask?
It was like being with a closely knit extra large family ( albeit one that is stretched to the four winds and back again.) I was struck by the the ease with which everyone settled in with each other, whether we were seeing old friends or meeting new ones for the first time; there was a sense of comfort and familiarity from the oldies down to the babies!
Having been on the planning committee we knew that people would want to spend as much time as possible chatting and catching up or getting acquainted with each other so only a few actual events/activities were planned. (In hindsight we might have extended the reunion a few more days! just a note for those planning the next one in Australia)
The best thing for me was being able to share the memories and bonds that drew us all together in the first place. And then link them to the present. As MK's and TCKs our lives are often dualized (or cut into more pieces). We have these pocket of time and experiences scattered by geography that we often compartmentalize as a transition mechanism for when we move into a new cultural or geographic region. It is a way to "fit in" or be seen as "normal". What a joy it was to be in a group of people where those walls/divisions were not up. We could be unguarded with our hearts and know that we really were being understood and known. The reunion really was a return trip "home". As TCK's we know that "home" is when we are with each other.
Whether you reading this and were there at the reunion or are one of the ones we missed being together with (this time). You know there is nothing that made us more like family than living for years in a country not completely our own and in tight quarters during some of the most formative stages of life.
As I reflect over the cultural diversity and countries/areas represented in our group. England, Holland, Norway, Northern Ireland, Switzerland, countries in Africa, Christmas Island, Canada, Australia, S. Korea, USA, (please for give me if I neglected to mention your country) I see that no mater where we went to after VIS, we all adapted and yet the significance of our boarding school years has remained very much alive in us.
I am so glad that the reunion was a place where we didn't put our school on a pedestal and just shared the good/happy memories. There were some crappy/horrible experiences that sprang from living life together like that also. It is the whole spectrum of experience that made our school what it was.
To you who lived VIS with me and to all those that came before me and after me, Thanks for being part of my family for all these years!"
AS an TCK/Cross-cultural Kid it is imprtant to remember to connect wth those that have been in your life at important stages of your life. as you move to new places and into new cultural situations don't forget that your life is a complete whole of all your expriences. make time to connect your past countries expriences to your present ones!
Last week I had an amazing time reconnecting with other TCKs, It was like stepping back in time, back to my childhood days growing up as an expat kid at an international school in West Africa. some of us gathered after years apart to remember when our school was us.
I wrote some about our renion, here are my thoughts.....
"WOW! What a reunion it was! It was the BEST long weekend I've had in quite a few years. and all my worries were for naught.
What made it soo good you might ask?
It was like being with a closely knit extra large family ( albeit one that is stretched to the four winds and back again.) I was struck by the the ease with which everyone settled in with each other, whether we were seeing old friends or meeting new ones for the first time; there was a sense of comfort and familiarity from the oldies down to the babies!
Having been on the planning committee we knew that people would want to spend as much time as possible chatting and catching up or getting acquainted with each other so only a few actual events/activities were planned. (In hindsight we might have extended the reunion a few more days! just a note for those planning the next one in Australia)
The best thing for me was being able to share the memories and bonds that drew us all together in the first place. And then link them to the present. As MK's and TCKs our lives are often dualized (or cut into more pieces). We have these pocket of time and experiences scattered by geography that we often compartmentalize as a transition mechanism for when we move into a new cultural or geographic region. It is a way to "fit in" or be seen as "normal". What a joy it was to be in a group of people where those walls/divisions were not up. We could be unguarded with our hearts and know that we really were being understood and known. The reunion really was a return trip "home". As TCK's we know that "home" is when we are with each other.
Whether you reading this and were there at the reunion or are one of the ones we missed being together with (this time). You know there is nothing that made us more like family than living for years in a country not completely our own and in tight quarters during some of the most formative stages of life.
As I reflect over the cultural diversity and countries/areas represented in our group. England, Holland, Norway, Northern Ireland, Switzerland, countries in Africa, Christmas Island, Canada, Australia, S. Korea, USA, (please for give me if I neglected to mention your country) I see that no mater where we went to after VIS, we all adapted and yet the significance of our boarding school years has remained very much alive in us.
I am so glad that the reunion was a place where we didn't put our school on a pedestal and just shared the good/happy memories. There were some crappy/horrible experiences that sprang from living life together like that also. It is the whole spectrum of experience that made our school what it was.
To you who lived VIS with me and to all those that came before me and after me, Thanks for being part of my family for all these years!"
AS an TCK/Cross-cultural Kid it is imprtant to remember to connect wth those that have been in your life at important stages of your life. as you move to new places and into new cultural situations don't forget that your life is a complete whole of all your expriences. make time to connect your past countries expriences to your present ones!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
The Holidays
Hi fellow sojourners!
I have been thinking ALLOT lately about "the holidays" as we approach Christmas, the winter solstice, etc.
holidays are a time primarily organized around seeing family, friends, making memories and sharing old memories. All these activities reinforce and build social and familial roots.
For those of us that feel isolated or rootless how can we make the most of this season?
As much as we take pride in our self-sufficiency and gypsy nature make sure you take time to connect meaningfully with others this season.
May you know that you are not alone and that you can seek and find someone who wants to listen to you and wants to understand you.
Blessings,
Isaac
I have been thinking ALLOT lately about "the holidays" as we approach Christmas, the winter solstice, etc.
holidays are a time primarily organized around seeing family, friends, making memories and sharing old memories. All these activities reinforce and build social and familial roots.
For those of us that feel isolated or rootless how can we make the most of this season?
As much as we take pride in our self-sufficiency and gypsy nature make sure you take time to connect meaningfully with others this season.
May you know that you are not alone and that you can seek and find someone who wants to listen to you and wants to understand you.
Blessings,
Isaac
Monday, September 07, 2009
Great conversations...Listening & Talking
I love great conversations. I recently had a really good one with my brother Toby.
I feel refreshed, my burdens lift and I'm inspired to keep searching and dreaming about what this life is all about at the end of a great conversation.
I am reminded that the real sharing and living of life is done by being real about the feelings and thoughts in the journey with other people.
We discussed the challenges we face and what it takes to is to work through and understand and each other when emotionally charged issues arise.
It has been said that if you want to have a civil conversation, you should avoid the topics surrounding religion, politics and sex with those that have differing views than you. Also that real friendship and understanding is not possible with others of different opinions on these topics.
As I've thought about it, I realize that these topics strike a deep cord in most of us and are tied directly to the fundamental view we have of ourselves and we often feel our view threatened and have the need to defend our position and the face of a different option.
It is uncomfortable to be open to and understand the views of others, then those views are seen as challenging what we have always believed about how the world "should" be and what we "should" do. It can unsettle the relationship when and if we find that those we have agreed with in the past embrace a new and different view.
So... is it possible to still be friends and differ on these topics? Can we understand those on the other side of the fence and still be "friends"?
Last night I watched the movie "The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas" and it struck me again how easily children can break through the ideological and social barriers we construct (around ourselves as adults) to define and "protect" ourselves. In our attempts to define and live within the comfort zones of our relationships we often miss out on relationships or experiences that would enrich and bring new dimensions to our lives.
Are we willing to be courageous enough and willing to take the risk to open up discussions across the lines, and to really listen even regarding those things we feel strongly about?
I believe our lives will be richer of it if we do!
I feel refreshed, my burdens lift and I'm inspired to keep searching and dreaming about what this life is all about at the end of a great conversation.
I am reminded that the real sharing and living of life is done by being real about the feelings and thoughts in the journey with other people.
We discussed the challenges we face and what it takes to is to work through and understand and each other when emotionally charged issues arise.
It has been said that if you want to have a civil conversation, you should avoid the topics surrounding religion, politics and sex with those that have differing views than you. Also that real friendship and understanding is not possible with others of different opinions on these topics.
As I've thought about it, I realize that these topics strike a deep cord in most of us and are tied directly to the fundamental view we have of ourselves and we often feel our view threatened and have the need to defend our position and the face of a different option.
It is uncomfortable to be open to and understand the views of others, then those views are seen as challenging what we have always believed about how the world "should" be and what we "should" do. It can unsettle the relationship when and if we find that those we have agreed with in the past embrace a new and different view.
So... is it possible to still be friends and differ on these topics? Can we understand those on the other side of the fence and still be "friends"?
Last night I watched the movie "The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas" and it struck me again how easily children can break through the ideological and social barriers we construct (around ourselves as adults) to define and "protect" ourselves. In our attempts to define and live within the comfort zones of our relationships we often miss out on relationships or experiences that would enrich and bring new dimensions to our lives.
Are we willing to be courageous enough and willing to take the risk to open up discussions across the lines, and to really listen even regarding those things we feel strongly about?
I believe our lives will be richer of it if we do!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Making the Most Out of Change and Growing Through It.
Making the most Out of Change and Growing Through It.
Life doesn't always work out how you plan. The last six months for me involved the ending of a 8 year marriage relationship. In the midst of this personal and relational transition, I have learned a few fundamental things that I would like to share with you. (I think they relate to any transition, cultural or otherwise)
1) Expect the Unexpected.
2) Adopt the Attitude of a Learner.
3) Find/Build/Develop your Support System.
If you apply these lessons you will find that the journey through is not as hard as it would be otherwise. Lets look at each lesson a little more in depth.
1) Expect the Unexpected.
Lets face it other people, & circumstance can not be controlled. As hard as we may try, we will find that the people we love or things we wanted to happen, do not go according to our expectations. This dichotomy (the mismatch of expectations with reality) creates anxiety, stress and emotional and physical discomfort. Essentially this is what culture shock is.
Think for a moment with me, isn't this how culture shock works?
We move to a new place and things are done are different. We are living with one set of expectations and we find that life is not done in our new place the way we have experienced it in the place we came from. How does that make you feel?
The reality is that both are not good or bad, they are just different. We just need to expect the unexpected. So how does this relate to my relationship?
Well I expected that things were going great. but the reality was that they weren't. I was confronted by the fact that my expectations and the expectations my now x were at odds.
We developed unhealthy communications styles and miscommunication built up into resentment and anger over time. Relational walls were built that split us apart. One day my x came to me and said she was done with the relationship and it was over. I was shocked and after some time realised the situation was a fork in the road. I had a decision to make. I could react with harsh and bitterness of my own and blame her for her part in the death of the relationship or... I could take the attitude of the learner and grow from the situation. Lets look at what I mean by attitude of the Learner.
2) Adopt the Attitude of a Learner
Life daily presents us with the opportunity to learn and grow. It is up to us as to accept the learning or reject and discount it. To have the attitude of a learner means that we take our own responsibility for how we react to situations and circumstances we put or find ourselves in. It means that we look for what we have contributed and seek to understand our own behavior and the behavior of other people involved. I means we work toward gaining a deeper realization of what is creating conflict or what is working. The critical step in learning is to apply our new knowledge in a practical way. This means adapting to new ways of doing things (such as the way things are done on the new culture we are in) or changing or incorporating the new reality into our belief about the way things are.
For me I had to accept my own responsibility for my own behavior and acknowledge the behavior of my x which brought us to divorce. I also had to accept the work of seeking to understand myself and seek to understand my x (her position and the reasons and expectations behind her behavior)
Sometimes the reality is that there is nothing we can do to repair what is broken. Personalities clash and people decide to part company for different destinations in life. and it may not necessarily mean either person is in the wrong, they just have made different decisions. While it does hurt emotionally and can feel like a betrayal (when what we expected doesn't happen the way we expect) have the attitude of the learner. The point is to learn for what is currently and next in life.
When we have the attitude of the Learner we are open, discerning and receptive to grow in whatever circumstance we jump into or find ourselves in. We are living consciously aware of what we allow into or lives. It is a state of personal empowerment, instead of being a victim of life and circumstance. We can make choices about what we will learn and who we will become.
Having the attitude of the learner doesn't mean we just accept everything, it means that we can be discerning and determine what we will accept and learn. Somethings we may chose not to learn. In new circumstances things can seem overwhelming but when we realise we always have some choices it makes the transition we are facing easier to navigate and take in.
If we could just do all of this learning on our own, we could all live on our own islands and be perfectly happy; the fact is we need each other, other people to walk and talk and experience life with us. as the saying goes... no man or woman is an island! This brings me to the third part of the puzzle. Find/ Build /Develop your support system.
3) Find /Build /Develop your support system.
Life is not lived in a vacuum. we need other people in our lives. it is though interacting and making choices and missteps that we can grow and live up our true potential. Just because we have been hurt or hurt others doesn't mean we shouldn't engage and connect with others.
We all have a part to play and a contribution to make. lets say you are in a new environment. you need support. the question is are you the type of person who creates a support system around themselves or are you the type who looks for the existing support system and plugs in? the fact is that there is not just one way to get the support we all need.
Life is never meant to be lived alone. you don't have to do it alone. I believe you will grow and get the most out of life to the degree that you connect with others. This too depends on your needs and goals. You don't have to be a "networker" if all you need is a couple of deep friendships that will tell you like it is and stick with you no matter what. If you are looking to spread the word about something "networking" may be the very thing you need to co connect with a large audience.
The fact is we need each other. Don't be afraid of rejection. it will come sometimes but there are others out there that will support and help with what we need and we can help then they are need. A support system is a two way street. We just can't take we must also give back.
So what do you think?
Remember that when you are facing change and want to make the most of it and grow through it to : 1) expect the unexpected. 2) adopt the attitude of a learner, 3) find/build/develop your support system.
Life doesn't always work out how you plan. The last six months for me involved the ending of a 8 year marriage relationship. In the midst of this personal and relational transition, I have learned a few fundamental things that I would like to share with you. (I think they relate to any transition, cultural or otherwise)
1) Expect the Unexpected.
2) Adopt the Attitude of a Learner.
3) Find/Build/Develop your Support System.
If you apply these lessons you will find that the journey through is not as hard as it would be otherwise. Lets look at each lesson a little more in depth.
1) Expect the Unexpected.
Lets face it other people, & circumstance can not be controlled. As hard as we may try, we will find that the people we love or things we wanted to happen, do not go according to our expectations. This dichotomy (the mismatch of expectations with reality) creates anxiety, stress and emotional and physical discomfort. Essentially this is what culture shock is.
Think for a moment with me, isn't this how culture shock works?
We move to a new place and things are done are different. We are living with one set of expectations and we find that life is not done in our new place the way we have experienced it in the place we came from. How does that make you feel?
The reality is that both are not good or bad, they are just different. We just need to expect the unexpected. So how does this relate to my relationship?
Well I expected that things were going great. but the reality was that they weren't. I was confronted by the fact that my expectations and the expectations my now x were at odds.
We developed unhealthy communications styles and miscommunication built up into resentment and anger over time. Relational walls were built that split us apart. One day my x came to me and said she was done with the relationship and it was over. I was shocked and after some time realised the situation was a fork in the road. I had a decision to make. I could react with harsh and bitterness of my own and blame her for her part in the death of the relationship or... I could take the attitude of the learner and grow from the situation. Lets look at what I mean by attitude of the Learner.
2) Adopt the Attitude of a Learner
Life daily presents us with the opportunity to learn and grow. It is up to us as to accept the learning or reject and discount it. To have the attitude of a learner means that we take our own responsibility for how we react to situations and circumstances we put or find ourselves in. It means that we look for what we have contributed and seek to understand our own behavior and the behavior of other people involved. I means we work toward gaining a deeper realization of what is creating conflict or what is working. The critical step in learning is to apply our new knowledge in a practical way. This means adapting to new ways of doing things (such as the way things are done on the new culture we are in) or changing or incorporating the new reality into our belief about the way things are.
For me I had to accept my own responsibility for my own behavior and acknowledge the behavior of my x which brought us to divorce. I also had to accept the work of seeking to understand myself and seek to understand my x (her position and the reasons and expectations behind her behavior)
Sometimes the reality is that there is nothing we can do to repair what is broken. Personalities clash and people decide to part company for different destinations in life. and it may not necessarily mean either person is in the wrong, they just have made different decisions. While it does hurt emotionally and can feel like a betrayal (when what we expected doesn't happen the way we expect) have the attitude of the learner. The point is to learn for what is currently and next in life.
When we have the attitude of the Learner we are open, discerning and receptive to grow in whatever circumstance we jump into or find ourselves in. We are living consciously aware of what we allow into or lives. It is a state of personal empowerment, instead of being a victim of life and circumstance. We can make choices about what we will learn and who we will become.
Having the attitude of the learner doesn't mean we just accept everything, it means that we can be discerning and determine what we will accept and learn. Somethings we may chose not to learn. In new circumstances things can seem overwhelming but when we realise we always have some choices it makes the transition we are facing easier to navigate and take in.
If we could just do all of this learning on our own, we could all live on our own islands and be perfectly happy; the fact is we need each other, other people to walk and talk and experience life with us. as the saying goes... no man or woman is an island! This brings me to the third part of the puzzle. Find/ Build /Develop your support system.
3) Find /Build /Develop your support system.
Life is not lived in a vacuum. we need other people in our lives. it is though interacting and making choices and missteps that we can grow and live up our true potential. Just because we have been hurt or hurt others doesn't mean we shouldn't engage and connect with others.
We all have a part to play and a contribution to make. lets say you are in a new environment. you need support. the question is are you the type of person who creates a support system around themselves or are you the type who looks for the existing support system and plugs in? the fact is that there is not just one way to get the support we all need.
Life is never meant to be lived alone. you don't have to do it alone. I believe you will grow and get the most out of life to the degree that you connect with others. This too depends on your needs and goals. You don't have to be a "networker" if all you need is a couple of deep friendships that will tell you like it is and stick with you no matter what. If you are looking to spread the word about something "networking" may be the very thing you need to co connect with a large audience.
The fact is we need each other. Don't be afraid of rejection. it will come sometimes but there are others out there that will support and help with what we need and we can help then they are need. A support system is a two way street. We just can't take we must also give back.
So what do you think?
Remember that when you are facing change and want to make the most of it and grow through it to : 1) expect the unexpected. 2) adopt the attitude of a learner, 3) find/build/develop your support system.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Belonging Challenge
To all you guys and gals out there I'd like to invite you to this Belonging challenge. My friend Brice Royer has such a great idea. I envite you to join me as I take up Brice's Belonging Challenge.
In this world of interconnectedness we still need to know that we belong with other people in tangible ways.The Belonging Challenge is designed for each of us to reach out to at least one other human being. One that we would not normally or automatically extend the hand of belonging to.
the Belonging Challenge is a series of challenges that break out of our comfort zone and perhaps build a better world.
Watch the video here:http://briceroyer.com/challengeready
One behalf of my friend Brice,
Thank you for joining us in this challenge, you belong with us!
In this world of interconnectedness we still need to know that we belong with other people in tangible ways.The Belonging Challenge is designed for each of us to reach out to at least one other human being. One that we would not normally or automatically extend the hand of belonging to.
the Belonging Challenge is a series of challenges that break out of our comfort zone and perhaps build a better world.
Watch the video here:http://briceroyer.com/challengeready
One behalf of my friend Brice,
Thank you for joining us in this challenge, you belong with us!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Deciding who you ARE and explaining it
I've been thinking about labels. some of my friends on MKnet have been discussing how we introduce ourselves and asking about how much we share in an introduction.
It seems as TCKs we get our identity and experiences from our childhood years, from the places we have lived and the the experiences that have shaped our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. If I was to tell you that before age 4 I had experienced life in rural Mexico and the States and then began the rest of my childhood and teenage years in West Africa with two pivotal years (ages 10 and 11) in the the United States how would you respond? Does the fact that I have now lived (from age 17 to 35) and graduated from high school and college in the States make me seem more American?
What I have done with these last 18 years in the States is part of what makes me who I am. Certainly I have cross-cultural roots, but I have some roots here in the USA too.
Yes, the continent of my earlier years tugs at my heart, whispering sweetly in my dreams or shouting above the din of suburban life. But it is not the only voice. This country of my current sojourn makes its impassioned plea for my attention as well. From the sweet rolling hills of the blue ridge mountains to beaches of California and now to the foothills of the rocky mountains. The traveling and living I've done in this land has been amazing.
Were I made to choose between the land of my youth and the one where I make my current home...I must confess, I could not, for they are both so dear to me. It is not just the physical geography, but the geography and it's people (all my friends) that I have come to love.
For me, to be defined (or labeled) by where one had been is one thing, one side of the coin. The other side of the coin is defined by where I'm going, who I will be in the future. The past is gone, it is the future that is before me. Deciding who I am in the future starts with choosing who I am today.
Why is it that people always ask "where we you from?" and not "where are you going?"
Mind if I ask?...
Where are you going in life from here?
It seems as TCKs we get our identity and experiences from our childhood years, from the places we have lived and the the experiences that have shaped our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. If I was to tell you that before age 4 I had experienced life in rural Mexico and the States and then began the rest of my childhood and teenage years in West Africa with two pivotal years (ages 10 and 11) in the the United States how would you respond? Does the fact that I have now lived (from age 17 to 35) and graduated from high school and college in the States make me seem more American?
What I have done with these last 18 years in the States is part of what makes me who I am. Certainly I have cross-cultural roots, but I have some roots here in the USA too.
Yes, the continent of my earlier years tugs at my heart, whispering sweetly in my dreams or shouting above the din of suburban life. But it is not the only voice. This country of my current sojourn makes its impassioned plea for my attention as well. From the sweet rolling hills of the blue ridge mountains to beaches of California and now to the foothills of the rocky mountains. The traveling and living I've done in this land has been amazing.
Were I made to choose between the land of my youth and the one where I make my current home...I must confess, I could not, for they are both so dear to me. It is not just the physical geography, but the geography and it's people (all my friends) that I have come to love.
For me, to be defined (or labeled) by where one had been is one thing, one side of the coin. The other side of the coin is defined by where I'm going, who I will be in the future. The past is gone, it is the future that is before me. Deciding who I am in the future starts with choosing who I am today.
Why is it that people always ask "where we you from?" and not "where are you going?"
Mind if I ask?...
Where are you going in life from here?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
