I think that most of parents of TCK's are career driven, they have high ideals and see their jobs through the lens of a "greater or higher purpose." The here is a price to pay and TCKs pay a big one.
(Can you relate to this?)
As a kid of someone who has set out to change the world and help others, at times I was lost in the shuffle. I came to the conclusion early that I'd have to start looking out for myself and most of the time I ended up being my own confidant and holding my own counsel on cultural and social survival. (One big advantage for me was also having some close brothers to bounce things off of)
That choice to be independent and so self-reliant helped me get though many tough experiences while growing up, but the tactic has been more of a hindrance to my personal and relational growth as an adult. It has hindered the closeness and emotional health in my marriage. It has limited the opportunities for growth in other friendships and connecting with other interesting souls.
Fortunately, having parents that are willing to look me in the eye, admit failure and ask for forgiveness for any culpability has been HUGE to me.
You see...I just spent this past weekend connecting with my parents, I was able to share with them how I felt unable as a kid to share most of my feelings about our transitions and experiences, how our family's "keep your chin up" attitude made me bottle up emotions and feelings, until they would result in negative behavior.
As a child how do you deal with political unrest, checkpoints, and guns pointed in your face, and your father taken by the soldiers? what about seeing death up close, what about having your family separated by boarding school and being sexually abused? what about the stress of constant sickness (malaria, dengue fever, and hepatitis)? Or the cultural disconnect when living back in the states? this list could go on...
I survived my TCK experiences, and You did too. GREAT! Yet I have this crazy idea that there is more to living than just survival.
My point is that most missionary families are ill equipped to handle all the stresses of life overseas in remote locations with demanding jobs; when parents and kids don't communicate well within the family most TCKs are just along for the bumpy ride.
This past weekend was a turning point in my life, I came clean with my parents on a lot of my real feelings and thoughts. and they didn't disown me or belittle my perceptions. Thanks Mom and Dad for being open to discuss and acknowledge that painful things did occur and mistakes were made! You have set an example of honest responsibility (for mistakes and miss steps) and I've decided on my own to take the responsibility for my own actions and reactions to the events of my past.
Open & Honest communication is the best way to bring your past, present and future together!
This type of communication can take you from surviving to thriving! I know I can see the light at end of the tunnel!
